新冠病毒总部司令致美国总统的信
A Letter to US President from the Commander of the Headquarters of the novel coronavirus
总统阁下:
Mr. President,
我以新冠病毒美国总部司令的身份，并代表美国流感肺炎病毒家族，非常不幸地告知你：由于你的愚蠢和鬼魅，加上傲慢和疏忽，你彻底丧失了拯救美国的机会。现在，我病毒军团已全面占领美国，甚至占领了全世界。
As the commander of the US headquarters of the novel coronavirus, and on behalf of the American family of influenza and pneumonia viruses, I am very sorry to inform you that, due to your stupidity, queerness, arrogance, and negligence, you have missed the opportunity to save the United States. Now, our viral army has taken over US, and even the world.
The ancient Chinese summarized military strategies and tactics into Thirty-Six Stratagems, of which one is to “make a feint to somewhere and attack in another place”, but I don’t think you or Pompeo would have studied it, or failed to true understanding of the art of war even if you did spend time studying it. As early as last year, we had set up our viral army in US secretly, with a plan to start a World Virus War with US as the headquarters.
总统阁下:
Mr. President,
当一些美国人被我军团病毒攻击致死，你和蓬佩奥认为我们就是美国过去的流感肺炎病毒，并未引起你们的足够重视。为了转移你们的目光，使你们丧失警惕性，我军团派遣特种部队，秘密跟随参加军运会的美国士兵抵达中国武汉。
Though our viral army has killed some Americans, you and Pompeo put the blame on the influenza and pneumonia viruses which had hit US in the past, failing to pay due attention to us. To divert your attention and put you off your guard, our viral army sent a special force which, by secretly following the American soldiers attending the 7th CISM Military World Games held in Wuhan, China, arrived at the city too.
And then, our army set up a theater headquarters in Wuhan, and launched a massive attack on China in January 2020. As the world’s attention was attracted by Wuhan, our army, by relying on US headquarters, sent elite viruses to attack silently on Italy, Spain and other western countries. And this is our great and perfect Stratagem of “making a feint to somewhere and attacking in another place”.
总统阁下:
Mr. President,
You，Pompeo and the other anti-Chinese forces, seeing our viral army attacking China, actually gloated, took pleasure in it and quickly responded by hyping up our army as an international magic virus, in an attempt to frighten China and the world into political and economic decoupling. We would like to express our sincere thanks for your help.
不得不提的是，当我病毒军团对中国武汉发动攻击，国际社会有个可恶的家伙，差点坏了我病毒军团的大事。这个家伙叫克努特，中文名陈恩田，他居然利用世界和平丝带组织获取的情报，很快判断出武汉爆发的新冠病毒与美国流感肺炎病毒同种或同类。
We must mention that when our virus army launched an attack on Wuhan, China, there was a nasty guy from the international community who almost ruined our endeavor. That guy is called Canute, Chinese name Chen Entian. He, based on the data of the World Peace Ribbon Organization, quickly concluded that the virus hitting Wuhan and the US influenza and pneumonia virus are of the same species.
总统阁下:
Mr. President,
The nasty guy also released the so-called Legend of COVID-19 to the international public, warning that the world should not focus on Wuhan but take precautions against a potential outbreak of the US influenza and pneumonia virus. Because Chinese are very afraid of the novel coronavirus, so you and Pompeo use it against Chinese, even you know it and the US influenza and pneumonia virus are of the same species.
也许你的情报机关早就知道，这个可恶的家伙，为了证实他的情报和判断，竟然唆使日本医学情报机关启动对美国流感肺炎病毒进行秘密调查。很快，那个该死的日本朝日电视台就向世界揭露，新冠病毒源于美国流感肺炎病毒。
It is likely that your intelligence agency already knew that this nasty guy, in order to verify his intelligence and judgment, instigated the Japanese medical intelligence agency to launch a secret investigation into the US influenza and pneumonia virus. Soon, that damn TV Asahi told the world that the novel coronavirus originated from the US influenza and pneumonia virus.
总统阁下:
Mr. President,
We were very worried that you and Pompeo would declare war on our viral army. That would be our darkest hour. Much to our surprise, you two got the CDC to refute the rumor in order to solidify your strategic achievements against China. As a result, our virus army managed to get away with it once again and buy valuable time to take the whole world. To be honest, you and brother Pompeo have done us a great favor.
Now, our viral army has taken over US and even the world. But you two, in order to deflect criticism and arouse global hatred towards China and ethnic Chinese across the world, claimed the virus to originate in Wuhan, China. Some stupid lawyers even went so far as to sue China, claiming that China should compensate for the lives killed and economic losses caused by the outbreak. Their intention was to bring double threats of virus and race to the global Chinese.
总统阁下:
Mr. President,
As commander of the US headquarters of the novel coronavirus, I cannot help but laugh, because your invincible skill of “deflecting criticism” and self-deceiving has made me stunned and filled my heart with admiration. However, you are wrong to think of Chinese people as that stupid, because they are not going to take such a farfetched blame. Do you think the world will believe your lies?
事已至此，本司令骄傲地提醒你，你应该感到内疚，举起你投降的双手，向后转。去为你的不诚实，向美国人民道歉；去为你的鬼魅，向中国人民道歉；去为你的傲慢和疏忽，向世界人民道歉。
Such being the case, I proudly remind you that you should feel guilty, raise your hands in surrender, and turn around. Apologize to the American people for your dishonesty. Apologize to the Chinese people for your mean tricks. Apologize to the world for your arrogance and negligence.
总统阁下:
Mr. President,
There is one more thing that has annoyed our virus army, a thing that needs to be cleared up. Our viral army is an ancient influenza virus army armed with globular viruses and coronaviruses. According to American medicine, influenza is an infection caused by an infectious virus, be it a globular virus or a coronavirus, that attacks the upper respiratory tract, the lower respiratory tract, or the lungs.
远东那群“哗众取宠，标新立异”的专家，未经我病毒军团同意，擅自为我病毒军团取名新冠病毒，显得我病毒军团不够老牌，历史不够悠久。在此，我希望总统阁下为我病毒军团正名，宣布我病毒军团的真实名字为美国冠状病毒。
The “grandstanding, maverick” experts of the Far East, without the consent of our army, took the liberty to name our viral army the novel coronavirus, thus downplaying the fact that our viral army is one with a long history. For the sake of justice, I would like to ask the President to right the wrong, and declare that the real name of our viral army is American Coronavirus.
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